CROYUS - The Father of Fathercology

I can’t lose you was our wedding song.

Ooh, shit. It happened. You got elected. Which is great!

But there is messy matter of your predecessor. He seems to have made a bunch of people really, really rich. Super for them. Oh, but he fucked most every one else.

And you are lucky enough to get to clean up his mess.

The first thing to do is not clean up his mess. If you do that, you fall into his party’s trap of raising taxes. Yes, of course everyone knows about the $700 billion dollar bailout that he approved. But if you actually try to pay for it, then you’re just raising taxes. Can’t do that. It’s just bad politics.

How about instead, repealing it? Or better yet, diverting it to things that would actually help people? Say $100 billion loan to small businesses as grants where any business idea could get a grant to start a business. Some would succeed. Some would fail. Oops, we just lost $100 billion dollars… or did we? The one’s who succeed, grow and pay taxes. The ones who fail, spurred development and spawned better business models for what failed… hmmm. It’s a concept.

American Idol for a business plan. Since my burrito stand in the Boondocks, Iowa is pretty silly, I don’t think I should get a grant. But I am sure there are great unfunded ideas out there.

WTF. The government becoming a venture capitalist?

Well, the existing capitalist (people who know what their doing) seem to have run up a $700 billion loss… why not try $100 billion on people who want to be capitalists (not the socialist capitalists who fuck up and then ask their government for money, but the ones who have never been in a position to rely on anything other than themselves)?

What of the other $600 billion? Part of me says to tell you where to wire it, but my daughter says you should spend it making the rest of the world think we are not Bush. Nuff said.

Screwing around with the family or orgasm face….
YOU MAKE THE CALL!

So this is a great article. The Govenor of Alaska’s teenage daughter is pregnant and she chose to keep the baby. That’s great. So why is it that her mom doesn’t want my kids to have a choice?

WTF?

1. Because you don’t have one and I’m making you frickin jealous.
2. It’s something Paris Hilton can’t have.
3. Goats don’t bark!
4. Goat’s will eat the radioactive waste Dexter makes.
5. Standing next to a goat, I’m the attractive one.
6. We can skip the petting zoo from now on.
7. Any animal whose primary defense mechanism is to ram you with its head has to be hilarious.
8. Goat spelled backwards is Taog.
9. Goats don’t question what a Taog is.
10. Two words - Nutt Sack.

And he brought Ms. Garrison with him!