Free Crappy Poetry Sample

Since my ebook is flying off the shelf, I figured I would share with the few people who have not purchased it, what they are missing. Here is an epic poem to wet your taste buds..

Ink blots are like clouds
What I see isn’t necessarily what u see
A bunny
A dog
A pile of poo
Skid marks provide a new media
New content daily
New canvas generally daily as well
Sometimes more
Sometimes it’s a streaming media
Toilet paper could display much content to gaze at and wonder what is there
Creativity that could impress your friends,
Amaze your love ones,
Post to Facebook to remember the vision you had.
A vision of a finger poking thru would be cool,
As long as not true
A vision of an epic struggle between good and corn would be epic
So the next time you sit on the toilet
Check out your skid mark
Check out your toilet paper canvas
Imagine what you could learn about yourself from what your mind could see
Is it sick to find art in shit?
Or just sick to talk about finding art in shit?

To get more amazing crappy poetry, you can buy my book here.


Warming Up

So I’m going to try something. I want to write. I have lots of ideas wallowing around in my brain which I think would be cool to get down on paper… er, in 1’s and 0’s.

Anyway, when you play soccer, it’s always good to warm up. Whether it is stretching in a circle like my team did when I was a kid, to the Brazilian warm up where you sing and dance like X’s team does.

So when I write, I need to warm up. Thus, I am hopeful to use this blog to warm up. See, I just did it. Now to write. Or revise. Or something other than staring at stupid people on the web.


18+ to 0

My U9 team won today. They won 18 goals for us and nothing for them. I think the other team had 6 shots around our goal.

At U9, it’s really hard to get the kids to play keep away and not try to score. I mean… they’re 9.

I once had a U10 girls team play 5 touch before they could shoot, but I thought them screaming out “1”, “2”, “3”, “4”, “5”, “We can shoot” was kinda of not sportsgirllike. (They made boys cry!)

Tomorrow’s team that my U12 team plays lost 8-1 to a U11 team.

I don’t like whomping games.



Us. Them. They are entertaining. Who will win? Will we tie? Both teams are in it to the end? Even 3-1 is good up until the end.

We played a game last year where we were up 3-0 after 4 minutes.

4 minutes gone, 26 more to play. 3-0 us…

As a parent, you want to see your kid score a goal. Parents, who have not played soccer, think scoring a goal is the ultimate validation for their kid’s overwhelming skill.

It’s not.

Yes, scoring goals is the point of soccer. But when the game is gone, as it was today at 8-0 at the half today, is another goal more important than teaching the entire opposite of what they have been taught since age 4?

What I mean, at 8-0, scoring is obvious. Yes, their goalie is a kid in a pinny. She is not a goalie. Their defense will collapse on one player leaving others to dribble and score. A shot at goal will more likely be a goal than anything else.

What does our player learn long term? Shooting. Yes, but in the grand scheme of things, what have they learned?

At U12, I can switch out the players from their normal positions. I can try to help the other team to get a goal.

But why?

The NFL guy inside me says it is up to them to play defense, not us.

The 12 year old in me, who once got beat 17-1, says they are little girls. Don’t spoil their growing love of the sport.

My 12 year old daughter wants to match her sister’s score. I want to play a half of keep away. But the parents want to see their kids score. It’s a good problem to have, but the reality is today’s 18-0 win will eventually end up being our 10-0 defeat. The kids, and parents, reaction on that day will be…


First Game Anticipation

Ahh, the first game of the Spring season. The smell and feel of winter still lingers in the air. The wind chill causes everyone to still dress in gloves, hats and blankets for the fans… (Sound of record scratch). What the hell, it’s supposed to be 75 degrees by the time my U12 team kicks off the season. Not that I am complaining. I’m just saying something special is afoot.

Today is the first game of a long season. The girls have had about 10 and half hours of practice to get the basketball and, in my daughter’s case, Hulu out of their systems. Only three of the girls, that I know of, did something soccer related over the winter break which means there will be some rust. The first 2 practices this week were a little rough, but Thursday’s practice rocked.

They trapped, they called for the ball, they played soccer with disregard to the running. And more importantly, they all started to get their vision back. We did this great 2v2 drill I got from the KC coaches convention. It’s fast and demands everyone’s attention. At first, they were a little confused, as to be expected. But after 5 minutes, they were hooked. There were runs behind the defense, there was pairs playing first and second defender (without the coach’s prompting), and the speed at which they played jumped to their normal level: fast, one touch passing.

Still, their opponent today was one of the better teams last year. They are a bigger club which mostly means they have girls who play soccer. That’s it. They play all seasons. They don’t have rust.

But, bigger clubs have more girls. They will rotate their players amongst their teams and dilute each Team. The core of my U12 team has been together for almost 3 years. They know what the other does. They know each other names. They have fun together.

I guess what I getting at is todays game will probably come down to a Team vs individual skill. Last season, our opponent had superior passing, but most of the time it did not go anywhere. We pressured them into mistakes and scored quick goals.

What will happen today? Will the Team or the individuals win? Personally, the score isn’t of concern to me. I’m excited to see how the Team plays after their 3 months off. This is just the first of at least 17 games they will play.

The first step towards something special.


13 ways to help your volunteer soccer coach

The beginning of another soccer makes me feel sarcastic. Here are several ideas on how to endear yourself to your volunteer coach.

1) If practice ends at 6, pick your kids up at 6:30. Isn’t the definition of coach: Free baby sitter who you can sue.

2) Tell your kid not to listen to the coach. He has played the silly game you would never play. So obviously, your child should get their soccer information from you. I mean, Offsides would only be applicable if they actually snapped the ball.

3) Bring your child to the game at the exact time it starts. No use to have them warm up.

4) Kick the ball… Go get the ball.. Tackle them. In Europe, soccer is called football so all football references you know will work.

5) You are allowed to ignore your kid misbehaving at practice. See baby sitter reference. And remember. Just cause you saw your kid throw the ball at the coaches head, doesn’t mean you need to talk to her about her anger issues. Again, see babysitter.

6) Don’t bring water for your child to games or practice. If your coach was any good, he would have thought of that. Same with shin guards and appropriate shoes (in my child’s size). For crimany sakes, what are you paying this guy for. He should cover this.

7) Talk bad of the coach around his wife. She’s a parent too so she already knows how big a dork she married.

8) If your child has ADHD, please give them a Red Bull before practice or during a game. Of course, don’t tell the coach about your child’s condition.

9) Bring your dog or anything to distract the kids during practice. Really. Soccer is kicking a frickin ball in a net. Why the heck should my kid need to pay attention to a coach to learn that? (For those who have their kids do indoor soccer, playing basketball on the unused end of the gym is a great way for you to stay in shape. The coach can just talk louder.)

10) The best time to get your daughter’s ears pierced is the week before soccer season. Soccer balls can’t really rip ear lobes off. Can they? If they do, you can still sue the coach.

11) There is one size of ball. Buy a size 5 only. Your kid will use it eventually even if they are 5 years old and the ball is the size of their lower leg.

12) Remind your child that after games, they should leave any water bottle or clothing that they may have brought to the game. Coach = Field Custodian.

13) Do not suggest the parents buy the kids trophies. This is what a coach is for. Obviously, he is highly paid!


First Practice Of the Season

Ok, yesterday was the first practice of the year, but it really didn’t count. Well, the girls got out and ran and kicked and got caught up with each others lives. So that part is like a normal practice.

But this practice was not run by me. I was mostly a bystander while the club’s professional coach ran all the select teams thru some agility drills and other core strengthening exercises.

I praised, urged, sprinted 100 yards with the girls, but beyond that, it wan’t my practice.

But it was the first practice of the season. You could tell. Kids who had spent the winter playing basketball were more than willing to pick up the ball with their hands and throw it to people. Hands were preferred, not feet. That’s to be expected. But now they are mine for 3 moths (insert evil laugh). We must get the basketball out of their heads.

From a coaching perspective, the first practice is where you try to get them prepared to train hard. You start with a conversation, hoping some of it sticks.

I took my U12 aside and told them to push themselves today, so they would hurt and be sore today. That way in the games to come, they would be rested.

Back in the day, when I was in high school, my soccer team ran more than the schools cross country team and we hated the preseason. One mile under 6 minutes starting at 7 AM! Morning practice for 3 hours. Afternoon run of 2 miles under 13 minutes. Two hour afternoon practice. Starting at 6, 5.4 mile run on a trail in under 50 minutes. Three weeks straight of that.

I remember going home the first day feeling great. Sore, but peppy from what I accomplished that first day.

And then I woke up the next day.

The blankets were so heavy. My legs so rigid. Oh, the pain. But somehow I would get back out to the field at 7am and start running again. Once I moved, the soreness subsided (or all feeling was lost.)

Yesterday, the kids spent 45 minutes doing some agility drills, then 15 minutes of wheel barrels and crunches. Then, they spent a half hour playing some sloppy keep away and some 4 on 4… but the girls laughed and rolled around on the ground. Feet were stepped on, knees banged together, butts were jammed into guts… all good first practice aches that will eventually get more intense and require ice.

But the first practice wasn’t for instilling our new offense or correcting some of our defensive quirks. It was for getting the team back together. Have them socialize. Have them kick a ball. Have them run a bunch.

I asked X today how she felt. “I don’t get sore,” she said.

I think that was a challenge for the second practice.



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